guess i was a fool

feels like i wasted

twenty years

of my life,

feels like this friendship

you said couldn’t end

because i knew too much

and we were such good

friends is coming to an end;

seems the sisterhood i thought

was immortal is mortal

after all—

seems like all you do now

is center your life around a man,

don’t ask me to understand;

i knew some things could shift

and change when you got married

but i didn’t expect you to stop

caring about me and stop loving me—

guess i was a fool for ever

believing you cared.

-

maybe be a better friend

it’s your birthday,

and i’m over here

crying because it feels

like you don’t care

about me;

i know it’s period hormones

but let’s not pretend any

part of this is normal—

asking me to start from

square one after twenty years

of friendship is a huge slap

in the face,

and it feels like you haven’t

been paying attention to me

or my life because what do you

mean you don’t know me?

you want me to be your pen pal,

but i don’t want to write;

you haven’t been communicating

with me for the past few months

at all but somehow now it’s a problem

because you’ve noticed i’m withdrawn?

the reason i don’t speak is entirely

your fault so maybe be a better friend

or you’ll never see me again.

-

a language i understand

i think the reason

you want

letters only is to dodge

accountability,

i think you’ve known

you have been a crappy friend

as of late;

but you don’t want to hear

my voice or see my pain

or have to acknowledge that

you’ve done me harm—

but you have,

and i won’t pretend

that the house isn’t on fire

simply because you’re

uncomfortable looking at the flames;

face the facts and become

a better version of yourself,

just acknowledge the harm

you’ve done and apologize;

move and do better in the future

that’s all i want—

but i won’t spill ink, love,

or time into someone

who can’t or won’t do the right

thing for me because i deserve

energy, love, and time in a language

i understand.

-

becoming a ghost

your letter

is such a profound

act of selfishness,

to cling to

yourself

instead of acknowledging

the pain and harm

you’ve caused me;

to put all this distance

between us because you know

you’ve been a crappy friend—

to act like me

pulling away

is the reason we’re falling apart after

refusing to acknowledge me

for the better part of six months

if not longer,

you didn’t value or cherish me

as you said you always would;

i resent that—

you chose your husband,

left me behind in the dust;

you can’t blame me for becoming

a ghost.

-

it is your fault

if we crash and burn

then we didn’t have

anything worth holding on to,

not going to swim oceans

for people who can’t even

walk through a mud puddle

for me;

i believed you loved me once

but i don’t think you love

me any longer—

i won’t be writing letters

or going back to square one

simply because you don’t

want to acknowledge the

pain and harm that you’ve

caused me,

i’ll just cut ties;

go ghost and forget you

like you forgot me—

& if you wonder why

you can know you only

have yourself to blame,

and it is your fault.

Intro to Two Poems

(for Kerry Maria )

This is the part of the house where you still set two plates even though it’s just you now. One poem holds its breath. The other says it’s fine, it’s totally fine, but still checks if he’s viewed the story. These poems aren’t tragic. They’re just what happens when hope gets bored and starts folding laundry.